Changes

Easter and Mother’s Day have come and gone. Easter was pretty standard. Finn and I went to church with my parents (Shawn is not a church person, so he only does really important occasions), and then we headed home to Finns first Easter basket. He got books, toys and a Jolly Jumper, and I can tell you right now, that was the best investment we have made for him.

He will literally jump until he falls asleep. I nave several excellent videos of him doing just that, and often the last thing he will do before bed is have a good long jump. He turned three months on Easter Monday, so the timing was perfect. He’s always liked being in a standing position, and this way he gets to stand on his own with a lot of really good spinal support. It’s really win win.

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There were a lot of people at my parents house for dinner, and unfortunately, Finn got really over stimulated. When this happens, he gets cranky, and it’s hard to settle him for the night. Also unfortunately, my family doesn’t always get that he still needs quiet time. He’s not used to tons of rowdy people all wanting a piece of him. He can handle it for shot periods, but we’re still working up to being able to do it for longer periods. When he did finally settle, he was out for a long time, but getting there was a challenge. Luckily, if I can get him to nurse, he usually settles pretty well. Hurray for breastfeeding. It really is useful on so many levels.

Mother’s Day was pretty much a bust. We went to church again and ended up working around the yard for most of the day. Shawn was working, and while he did remember to send me a text message (he didn’t forget!) I didn’t get so much as a card. I was super pissed. See, he’s not the type of person who thinks that cards are a big deal, but it was my first Mother’s Day, and it meant a lot to me. I wanted to have something to remember it with, and while I have a few adorable pictures of Finn sitting on the deck, that’s about all I have. Add to that the fact that Finn was fussy most of the he day and I was fighting a migraine, and it was just disappointing all around. I cried, I’ll admit it.

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It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been more emotional than normal lately. (Yes, in realize that Mother’s Day is not lately anymore, but this is when things started, so near with me.) And, my hair has been falling out. It don’t mean the normal, “Hey, I’m losing all the hair I never lost when I was pregnant” my hair is falling out. I’m talking it it looks like a balding wookie lives in my house. Whenever I vacuum, I’m stopping to clean out the power head three times, at least, so the poor thing doesn’t have a heart attack and die. The hair loss and mood swings, combined with extreme exhaustion and the fact that my son eats like a starving polar bear and I started gaining weight back, led me to believe that my thyroid, or the half of it that I have left, had finally started to die.

My GP is great. If I can give him a solid reason for something (and no, googling doesn’t count as a solid reason), he will be in board with requests for blood work. I told him what had been going on, and he agreed that things needed to be checked out. We also did a bunch of other stuff, just to cover all the bases. Hey, if you’re having blood drawn anyway, what are a few extra vials?

Part of me really wanted things to be all in my head, but I knew they weren’t. It didn’t take long for the call from the doctors office confirming what I already knew, and adding an extra turd to the shit heap: the ferritin levels in my blood were very low. My doctor likes mine to be around 50 and they were sitting at 4. Low blood iron and an under producing thyroid? No wonder I felt like road kill.

So, now I’m taking iron supplements, although not as high a dose as I was because they were making the baby unbearable gassy, And a low starting dose of synthroid. In the grand scheme of things, taking a few extra pills every day isn’t really a big deal, but it still bums me out. I don’t clearly recall a time in my life when there hasn’t been something wrong with me, and that is extremely tiring. I’m not trying to complaint for the sake of complaining, because I have a pretty stellar life, but being chronically ill can be frustrating and mentally exhausting beyond belief.

There are days when I hope and pray that I will feel normal for five minutes. I would love to be tired in a way that sleep would actually be able to fix. The exhaustion I’ve been feeling lately doesn’t go away if I get eight hours. I can have the worst day and be emotionally fine with it, and have the best day and be a complete mess. Add to that the old standbys of migraines and GERD and you can imagine that I must be feeling like a million bucks.

Taking care of Finn is sucking up all my energy. I don’t have anything left to use on being pleasant to people. I’m extremely irritable, even when there’s not reason for it. If there is a reason for it, you’d better watch the hell out because I will turn into a bitch faster than you can blink. Poor Shawn has been getting the huge brunt of this and I don’t know how he deals with it. I knew he was an amazing man, but situations like this just further impress upon me how lucky I am to have him.

I’m trying hard not to stress about it, but with the upcoming trip to visit his parents in BC for the the week, it’s hard not to. I know the smart thing to do would be to tell them what’s going on with my health, so honey don’t think I dislike them more than they already do, but a large part of me doesn’t want to say a word. Shawn’s dad especially gives me the impression that he thinks Shawn married a broken person, and adding more illnesses to the heap wouldn’t help that at all. On the other hand, if I say nothing and I happen to be extra irritable, they might just think that I don’t want to be there.

What a great situation.

I can’t say that I am looking forward to going, but it has nothing to do with dislike for my in laws. I don’t dislike them. I just like being in complete control of my environment, especially when I need to sleep somewhere. Shawn snores, and I don’t always sleep in the same room because of it. When I’m staying in someone else’s house, though, I can’t exactly get up and wander off in the middle of the night. I also don’t want the in laws to know how May nights we sleep apart, eve though it has no negative impact on our relationship/marriage whatsoever. They would mostly likely assume that it does regardless of what we say. After all, Shawn’s dad assumed that his weight gain was because of stress in our relationship.

(We have been sleeping apart more than together for a long time. As we have a son that was not immaculately conceived, you can imagine that our relationship is not suffering.)

The goal at this point is to stay positive about everything that happens from here on out. The problems have been identified and are being dealt with. My husband is amazing and supportive, as always. I have an incredibly good baby (for more on what that means to me, see the next post) who I still can’t get enough of. I guess if I look at the bigger picture, two more small broken things on my body is not a big deal, no matter what it feels like.

On a side note, the blog is changing. The new name has taken effect. Shawn says that the old address is no longer active, although it should be, so I’m going to look in to that and make sure. Categories re being reorganized, and some features are going to be dealt away with. It was just getting to be too much. The features are now going to come when there is a call for them as opposed to me trying to bang one out every day. This should eke then content more quality focused instead of quantity focused. I would love some feedback on this, so please, drop me an email or comment.

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False Alarms and Anxiety

Today was not great. The cats were being, shall we say, douche weasels most of the morning, so I vacated to sleep at my parents. My hips and pelvis were killing me, and I had acid reflux so bad, even sitting up didn’t help. With the help of some Tums and the magic bed (my old bed that my parents now have) I did actually get some sleep.

Shawn had a huge split in his shifts today, so I basically let him do his own thing while I had breakfast, sorted the laundry and got started on actually packing my hospital bag. I say got started because something unusual happened when I was getting ready to hop in the shower. There was a gush of mucous like fluid down my legs, more than I’ve probably ever had. At first, I thought it was my mucous plug releasing. After all, I am dilated, so this wouldn’t be that strange. However, the colour and the smell (sorry if this is too much information), seemed a little odd. A far as I knew, greenish brown was. I a colour I wanted to be seeing.

My first instinct was to text my mum and ask her about it. She wanted updates on how I was doing anyway, so this didn’t seem to be a big deal. She asked me a bunch of questions: how much, what was the consistency, what colour… And after a pretty steady grilling, she told me I needed to get checked, ASAP.

Great. A trip to the hospital. I know that the assessment ward is designed for situations like this, but after the last time I was in, I’m extra leery about wasting the time of hospital staff. Add to that the same feelings I get when I land in the ER with a migraine, and I didn’t feel particularly great. Mum said I should go in, though, so that’s what I was going to do.

I told Shawn we needed to get to the hospital, and this is where my annoyance started to peak. He knew my water may have just broken. He knew mum thought we should hurry. In spite of all this, he just sat on the couch, watching anime and slowly finishing his lunch while I rushed around trying to find comfortable clothes and do something with my wet hair. I actually called him out on his lack of urgency. He seemed to think the whole thing was amusing. I was no where near amused, and his casual, nonchalant attitude was quite upsetting.

I know that he has a pretty casual attitude towards most things, but I thought that if there was the potential that our son had decided to show up that he would have a little spark. I guess I was wrong. I was a little concerned because the colour of the fluid reminded me of amniotic fluid laced with meconium, and that warranted a bit if a rush. I didn’t tell Shawn this because I didn’t want him to panic, but maybe I should have. If he was a little panicked, perhaps he would have taken things more seriously.

We did make it to the hospital, and mum was wasting to take me up to assessment. Shawn had to go back to work, and I knew that if anything serious was going to happen, it probably wouldn’t be before he was finished his hour long school run. That’s what cell phones are for, after all. A quick call or text could have him back to the hospital in snort order.

Once again, I was greeted and gotten in to a gown with little fuss. It’s weird being a patient when my mum is there. Everyone knows her, and she sometimes has a hard time not speaking for me. That comes from a long time of tending me and being my primary caregiver with my illness, and I don’t resent her for it one bit. Luckily for us, as well, my actual OB was working that day, and she knew all about what was already happening with my cervix from the previous day. I needed another internal exam (huzzah!) and that showed that my water had not broken, I was slightly more dilated and my plug had indeed started to come out.

With that, and a little bit of monitoring to make sure the baby was still good, we were on our way. I once again felt like I had been a huge waste of time, even though my doctor, the supervising manager of the case room, and my mum all thought I was right to go in and get looked at. It did give me some relief to know that nothing detrimental was happening, but when my doctor told me that there was a good chance the Little Man could come this weekend, I started getting anxious. Never mind going in again for no real reason, our son could be coming any day.

Now, I’m not anxious about the birth part. Whatever will happen with that is going to happen, and great is no reason to stress about it. Mum actually joked that because of my extremely high pain tolerance from my migraine disease, I might not even know I was in actual labour until I was ten centimetres. Aside from being funny, this was actually true. My anxiety is coming from not knowing when it’s going to happen. It could be tomorrow. It could be In two weeks. I feels like it’s going to be any day. The baby dropped about four inches when the whole plug incident happened, so he’s getting ready just as much as I am. When he decides to actually snow up, though, is completely up in the air.

I know I’m going to be a good mum, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about screwing him up. Then there’s the baby shower. If he shows up before then, I’m going to want to douse all the guests with sanitizer, particularly because I don’t know who had gotten their flu shot and who hasn’t. I don’t want our son passed around to a bunch of people when there is such a severe flu outbreak going on. Then there’s Shawn’s nana, who is still miffed about not. Big to allowed in the hospital. She has a nasty cold right now, and I could t help thinking about how awkward that conversation would be if he showed up this weekend. She would want to see him, and I would be wanting to ask her to scrub up to the elbows with sanitizer nada now wear a mask. I don’t see that going very well. Add to that the fact that neither she nor my mother in a we have gotten their shots, and it’s just making me tense.

I don’t like not knowing when things are going to happen, and this situation makes me feel completely out of control. The only reassurance I’ve really been feeling is knowing that it’s slim to none that I will need to be induced. Beyond that, I know nothing, and I hate it.

I had a good cry a little while ago, and that helped to relieve some of the tension in my muscles, but the whole thing is still on my mind. Every time I have a contraction, I stop what I’m doing and pay extra special attention to how it feels and howling it’s lasting. I doubt I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.

I packed my hospital bag almost as soon as I got home. I had started collecting everything, but now the only things that are missing are the ones that we use on a regular basis, like the iPad, my toothbrush, and a suitable pillow. Shawn actually added a few of his own things to the list we have written on the kitchen wall, and tomorrow we are going out to get our car seat, stroller, and any other little things we are bound to need if he shows up soon. A changing pad for the dresser is high on that list, so as well as some wash cloths, a few towels and possibly a baby monitor.

Add here I thought I was prepared because his clothes were clean and the room is done. Ha! It’s not until shit starts getting real that you realize how unprepared you actually are. I want him to be born so we can finally say hello to the little creature I’ve been cultivating since May. I just wish I had a more firm timeline.

On Going into a Pregnant Rage

Once again, it’s time for a DISCLAIMER: I write this blog for myself and my own sanity. A lot of what I write is my own personal opinion. Do I sometimes come across as pretentious and superior? Without a doubt. You might not like my opinion on pregnancy, but then again you might not like my taste in comics. Will I keep writing about those things? Without a doubt. I appreciate all the readers who take the time to read this blog. I honestly never thought anyone would be interested. That being said, if something comes up that you don’t like, please feel free to stop reading. 

And now, on to the post!

Ah, pregnancy hormones. For a long time, I thought all the talk about flying in to a rage for the smallest thing or being uncommonly prone to tears was a lot of, well, exaggerated talk. Alas, the hormones have been wreaking more havoc on me than I would like to admit. There are certain commercials that I can’t watch without tearing up, or straight up bursting in to tears. I was a little weepy to begin with, and all the progesterone had just made it worse.

What I really wasn’t expecting was the pregnant rage. There are certain things that I was fairly able to let slide off my back pre-pregnancy that make me want to do a murder on someone now. Don’t get me wrong, they bothered me before, but not like this. Not in the “husband telling me to relax and take deep breaths” kind of way. Some of these things are justifiable annoyances and some of them are downright petty. You can decide which you think is which:

~There are a large number of people who are still under the impression that Shawn and I live with my parents. This is one of those things that makes me want to murder someone. I’m sure the opinion would be different if we were renting a basement suite from strangers, or even friends, but because we’re renting just under 1000 square feet of completely private living space from my parents, we are obviously living with them. I mean, it doesn’t matter that we have our own entrance, our own kitchen, our own furnace and hot water tank… we live with them. Sure, I go without talking to my parents for weeks, but we live with them. Basically, we live in an up-down duplex, but we still live with my parents.

The reason this bothers me so much is because it feels like everyone who is holding on to this opinion has asked us when we’re planning on getting our own place now that we’re having a baby. It’s like up until this point, regardless of whether we have steady jobs, a successful marriage, or any of the things that go with that, we’re not actual adults while we live here. I know that we are actual, real adults, but the fact that many of our friends and family don’t see it that way bothers me. I appreciate having someone who can give me IV meds or give me a shot right when I need it. For both Shawn and I, having help with my illness has been a huge thing. With Shawn not able to get away from his job if I need him, my parents being close is a huge advantage. Also, with the Little Man’s arrival getting every closer, having some help with that will be great too. I don’t know, honestly, what my migraine disease is going to do once he’s born, and it will be a huge weight off my mind to have back-up in case I need it.

We’re in no rush to go anywhere, because we have our own place. It just happens to be attached to someone else’s place, but isn’t that how apartments work for other people?

~This is a general pet peeve that I’ve had for a long time, but my aggravation with it has increased by infinity since the pregnancy rage has started kicking in: I don’t like people that can’t communicate. In particular, I don’t like it when people feel the need to use a proxy to tell someone something. If you need to talk to me, do it yourself. Don’t mention it to someone else with the expectation that that person will sort things out for you. That’s not how things work. We’re all a little guilty of this one from time to time, and sometimes we aren’t even aware that we’re doing it. However, there are a lot of people in my life who do this constantly, and it drives me mental. Do they think I won’t be able to handle a direct confrontation or question? Are they worried about causing offense? I deal much more efficiently with people who come directly to me, and I wish it would happen more often. Do you want us to call you more? Tell us that yourself.

~Facebook. So many people think that Facebook is the be all and end all of the entire world. Guess what? Nothing is going to happen if that adorable pictures gets a million likes. The world doesn’t work like that. Don’t use social media to randomly rant at people in your status. I did this the other day, and the only thing that made me not regret doing it was a friend who managed to turn the whole thing into a joke. I guess you could say that his ties in to the whole “communication” point. Have something to say? Don’t use the internet. (I’m not counting blogs as saying things on the internet. I’m referring more to Facebook and Twitter. Blogs, in my mind, are in a category of their own.)

~If one more person shows incredulity that the Little Man’s room isn’t done yet, they will get a fork in the eye (regardless of how far I have to travel to deliver said fork). There are still nine and a half weeks left until my due date. If his room was already finished, it would be just one more thing to dust and clean; one more place I needed to keep the cats out of. As it is, we have the paint picked out. We have the furniture picked out. The wall decals should be here in the next two weeks. What is the issue? If the Little Man decides he needs to show up, say, tomorrow, he’s not going to be coming home with us right away and we will still have plenty of time to get things sorted. We’re not slacking, we just didn’t feel the need to get a baby’s room up and running when I was still in the first trimester.

~I am all for hand-me-downs. If you’ve been keeping up with the whole pregnancy side of the blog, you know I got a fair few of those from an employee of my mum, and I was very grateful to have them. What I’m not all for is people thinking that we need to have as much used stuff as possible. I know I’m not working, but we have the resources to get what we want to get new. If we found something we loved that was second hand, fabulous. We really haven’t, and I’m not ashamed about that. Being a single income household does not automatically make us poor.

~Being chronically ill already, I’m used to a certain amount of pity from people who just don’t get it. What I didn’t expect was people doling out the pity and saying they’re “sad for me” because I can’t sleep. It always, always comes across as condescending, whether it’s meant that way or not. Don’t be sad for me, listen to me if I need to talk. Offer your support that way. Keep the sadness and pity. I have no use for it.

~Shawn and I have been married for six months. Finding out we were expecting as soon as we got back from our honeymoon turned things in to quite the whirlwind, but it’s what we wanted, and we couldn’t be happier about it. That’s why I don’t understand the, albeit few, people who have said things along the lines of, “Having a baby isn’t really the best way to strengthen a marriage.” I’m sorry, did my brand new marriage need to be fortified? I wasn’t aware. There wasn’t a thing wrong with our relationship before the wedding and the baby, so this always confuses me. Who’s life are they looking at? It certainly can’t be mine. There are some fairly standard woes, but my marriage is pretty pristine. Besides, how would getting pregnant a few weeks before the wedding count as strengthening the marriage? Oh well…

AS you can see, there has been much irritation, whether justified or not. I’ve been trying really hard to just let it slide, but sometimes the hormones just won’t allow it. Even if I do let certain things slide, they have a tendency to creep back up on me and get me all in a rage again for no reason. The “living with my parents” one does that a lot.

For some happier things, the Little Man is more active than ever. I got the chart that I’m supposed to use to track his movements the other day when I was at the OB, and I had to laugh. The example on the chart shows a measurement of six movement on a twenty minute period. You’re supposed to feel six movements, at the least, every two hours. It took me just under five minutes to get eight really discernible movements. He’s been kicking, punching and wiggling up a storm the last few days, and while I love it, love knowing that he’s there, it’s been slightly detrimental to what little sleep I manage to achieve. This morning, for example, he was just settling down when my older cat, the one with the huge purr, curled up next to my belly and got him all riled up again. It was at that point that I gave up on sleep and decided to settle for “rest”.

His heartbeat is still exactly where it needs to be, but he’s measuring two centimetres bigger than he should be. At 30 weeks, he was measuring at 32cm. I shouldn’t really be shocked, as his dad was a big baby as just over nine pounds, but if he keeps on growing that quickly, I’ll have to have another ultrasound to make sure there is nothing untoward happening in there. If he keeps on this pace, everything should be good. I just don’t want him to speed up any more.

I’m also at the point where I’ll be at the OB every two weeks. Normally, I don’t mind going to the doctor. It’s something I’m used to, but we have had an insane amount of snow the last little while, and my lack of snow tires makes driving a little bit more of an adventure than it should be.

That should about cover it. Here’s to more good days for all my pregnant cohorts out there.

Belly Buttons, Braxton-Hicks, and the Beginning of the End

I now have no belly button. No, it hasn’t popped out yet, but it just I looks like a funny coloured and textured spot on my belly. It’s completely flat unless I decide to take a deep breath, in which case it pushes out a little. This, in turn, makes me think of all the creepy “people being infested by parasites” sci-if I’ve ever watched, and I just have to laugh at myself.  I truly am a ridiculous person, but it keeps things interesting. 

I’ honestly hoping my belly button stays flat and doesn’t pop out; something about outies really quicks me out, and while I know it would go back in, it’s not something I want to have to deal with. This may have something to do with the who awesome (and figure hugging) dresses I bought for Christmas and my birthday. Nothing would ruin a perfectly awesome dress like a belly button bump. I’m all about showcasing the belly, but I have limits.  Luckily, the stretch marks have kept at bay. This is a shock, as my butt is usually infested with them, whether I’m gaining or losing weight. I have one small verifies vein on the left side of my belly, and I have been assured that this will clear up after the Little Man arrives. 

Speaking of the Little Man, I’m starting to have serious concerns that he’s not going to like being swaddled. This suspicion arose when I first started having Braxton-Hicks contractions several weeks ago and he immediately began protesting. Whenever one crops up, especially a particularly strong one, he starts pushing back. It’s like he’s demanding that he get his space back because dammit all! He’s a growing boy and he needs his room! Part of me thinks it’s absolutely adorable, and the rest of me is hoping he’s going to let me wrap him up all smuggle and warm at least a few times. That was something I was really looking forward to. However, if he’s anything like his uncle, my brother, the reaction to the contractions is a clear indication that swaddling will not be tolerated. 

Now, the Braxton-Hicks themselves are a little strange. I got the first one, at let the first one that I noticed, when we were visiting my husband’s nana. This is probably why I seemed so antisocial: I was concentrating on this new and very odd sensation. When Shawn asked me to describe what it felt like, the best I could come up with was this: 

imagine you’re walking along, minding your own business, and suddenly your scrotum gets a huge chill and just does was a scrotum will do. It tightens up. This goes on for a bit, squeezing every now and then, the chill passes, and everything relaxes once more. 

this seemed to be a satisfactory example, especially when I got him to fell my belly as it was all going on. You can definitely feel how hard my uterus gets,and while it’s still a strange sensation, it’s certainly not bothersome. The more frequently it happens, the more my. Odd is working itself out and getting ready for the labour and birth process, and that is just fine by me. Anything that is going to make that experience easier is most welcome. 

On another note, I am now at thirty weeks, well ink to my third trimester. That is mind boggling. It still feels like we just got married, and here I am in the home stretch of my pregnancy. My next OB appointment is on Thursday, I have a breast feeding appointment at the obstetric medicine clinic on December ninth, and I’m off to see my neurologist on December seventeenth. Oh, we also have our prenatal class on December twenty-first. All of this is really making things hit home.

That sounds strange, even to me. I’ve been growing a person for almost seven months. He’s been kicking me since eighteen weeks. I know the Little Man is in there, but a whole range of other things are compiling to make this feel real. And, in spite of the real ness of it all, I am not emotional prepared to actually have a baby in my care at all. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Shawn feels exactly the same way. We wanted this. We planned this. We are so excited about thins, and we both are so in love with our son already. Still, my brain will not compute the fact that I am going to be a mother. I am going to be a mother in approximately ten weeks. 

We will both get there. I know we will. I think painting and finishing up the Little Man’s room will really help the whole process. The decals we wanted have been shipped and should be here by the middle of next month. Our paint colours are picked and we have a weekend all set to get that finished. W are also going to start planning the baby shower, which will probably turn in to a coed affair in combination with my thirtieth birthday. Overall, there is a lot going on, and it should be enough to distract me from the occasional bouts of new mum terror I’ve been having. I’ll let you know how that turns out. 

As you probably guessed by the frequency of my posts, I’m still not sleeping. I’m hoping my neurologist has some suggestions for what to do to combat the worsened restless leg syndrome. I’ve already added extra calcium in to my diet as my on suggested, and I don’t eat carb loaded snacks before bed anymore, but neither of those things have seemed to help a great deal. I also think a big part of the problem now is that my sleep schedule has become so reversed that I’m having a hard time getting it back to something even remotely resembling normal. I tried to go to bed at a decent time tonight (I felt like I was ready to pass out), but I started overheating and my left leg started twitching as soon as the rest of me started to relax. Hence, I’m sitting here writing this post and trying desperately not to give in to my craving for food. I really do need to make an effort to write here more often as it’s make great way to clear the brain of all the random crap that has a tendency to accumulate.

is anyone else experiencing new, or worsening, RLS? What are you doing to help with the situation, and what is working best? I’m willing to try anything as long as it’s safe for baby.

*DISCLAIMER* I have been writing these posts non my iPad! and the editing capabilities are not the greatest. So, if you see small typos or errors, it’s not me, I swear. The next time I actually get around to turning on my laptop, I am going to fix them, both for my sanity and yours. 

On Not Settling and Other Things

I am one of those that happens to think that a lot of young people today have a particular sense of entitlement that I don’t find particularly warranted or attractive. When I say “entitlement”, I’m referring to things like all kids needing to have the best of everything just because, or thinking they deserve a particular thing (car, grade, friend) when they really haven’t earned it. I also feel that there is a difference between being entitled, and not settling. I have never seen myself as someone who feels entitled to things. I don’t think that I should have the best and newest of everything just because I’m having my first baby. In fact, I was more than happy to take a huge load of hand-me-downs from one of my mums employees. Why? Because you can never have too many sleepers or onesies.

Settling, on the other hand, is something that I refuse to do. If I did, I would be married to the wrong person and probably on a swift road to a messy divorce. I stuck it out, even though I felt like my age was getting to get in the way of what I wanted (I know, I’m just coming up on 30 and that notion is ridiculous), and now I have the perfect person for me. I don’t kid when I say that my husband is my own personal superhero. It’s the truth, and I’m so glad that I waited until we found each other. What we have is great, and it was worth a little work to get to where we are.

There are also certain things, in the sense of the material, that I won’t settle on. A few baby items come to mind, mainly the stroller/car seat and my rocking chair. I know I’ve covered this before, but I need to reiterate how horrible I think more nursery rockers are. I’m sure you know the ones I mean: painted wood, poofy cushions, a true glider style chair. There is no where in our decor for something like that, and this is a chair that I plan on having for years to come. I don’t want a piece that’s going to stick out like a sore thumb when we decide to move it to the living room and have it occupy more prime real estate. That’s why, when mum and I went shopping, we didn’t even look at styles like that. We looked at rocking armchairs, things that you could customize the fabric on, and tried to look for something with more modern lines. Luckily, we found just what we were looking for and it’s on order as I type this.

Shawn’s nana wanted to contribute something to the purchase of the rocker, but she gave me the strong impression that the money she gave us should be the maximum budget we should spend. There was nothing that I liked for $200 or less, and regardless of what other people think, spending money to get something you really love and will really get use out of is not a bad thing. We both wanted something that would last and be a staple in our home, and the chair we ended up getting will so just that.

The stroller is another thing that I won’t accept less for, not because I think I deserve to have the best or most expensive, but because I want something that is going to be practical, easy to use, and durable enough to last up to the as yet Unconfirmed Sequel. (This is the code name for the possible second baby that we are in no way committed to as of yet, but that we’re still  thinking about when we make purchases for the Little Man.) Also on the forefront when making my choice was how it looks (no pastels or cheesy patterns for me, thanks), how well the car seat and stroller fit together, storage capacity, and steering ability. Mum and I (Shawn didn’t really feel the need to be a part of this process, but he will of course see the stroller before the final purchase) test drove five different models at Babies R Us before making a choice (The Safety 1st Lux  Stealth), and it was mere coincidence that it happened to be the most expensive of the bunch. It has all the feature that we were looking for, is easy to fold up, and had the easiest car seat to insert and take out of anything that we tried.\

I should probably mention maternity clothes in here, too. I don’t know how many people told me that you don’t need a whole new wardrobe when you get pregnant. I’m not planning on replacing everything I have with a preggo version, but most of the things that I was working during the first two trimesters aren’t fitting well anymore. I never wanted to be one of those women who just stuffed myself in to whatever I had handy and walked around with my belly out half the time. Doing that at home when I’m watching TV is one thing, but I still want to look like a decently presented and polished person when I go out. if you feel that you can make it for your whole pregnancy without buying anything, good job. but I love my maternity jeans and skirts with the stretchy waists. Wearing regular undies is so uncomfortable that I would rather go without (yay maternity panties!), and just having some tops that are built to hold a growing belly makes a huge difference. So I feel entitled to new clothes? No, but I will not settle for being uncomfortable and looking like crap just because I’m having a baby.

A lot of people have told me that I don’t need to have the best of everything to be a good mum. I completely agree. All the Little Man’s clothes don’t need to be brand new. They don’t need to come from Baby Gap (although a few things have). However, I’m not going to buy a cheaper product that I’m just going to end up replacing anyway. For certain things, shelling out a little more dough is well worth it.

Why do you think we do things like get our meat from a butcher instead of the grocery store? Why haven’t we replaced our TV yet? We want quality, and there is nothing wrong with that. We’re willing to wait (or in the case of the butcher, travel to the other side of the city) to get the things that we really want. It worked with our relationship, so I think it’s a pretty solid premise.

On another note, my sleep hasn’t improved at all. There have been a few nights when it felt like my legs were improving until I decided to actually lie down and close my eyes. That’s when the chaos started. When it gets really bad, it feels like my lower legs don’t even belong to me. Imagine having trillions of tiny insects crawling around and going about their lives under your skin and in your muscle. That’s the best description I have for what’s going on. it feels terrible, and there are times when soaking my legs in scalding hot water doesn’t even manage to calm them anymore. I’ve taken on the thinking that I just need to sleep when I can, regardless of what time of day it is. If I’m sleeping more during the day and less (who am I kidding, not at all) during the night, so be it. Some sleep is better than none.

I know Shawn feels just as frustrated at as I do. He hates not being able to make me feel better, and no matter how many foot and leg massages I get, it doesn’t seem to be helping. It feels like I’ve been breaking down in to exhausted hysterics at least once a week, but I think holding it in would be worse than getting it out. I don’t know why having the odd gasping cry is so cleansing, but it is. The misery I’m feeling needs to go somewhere, and I would rather it go outwards than stay in and cause tension with the Little Man. He already doesn’t like it when I cry like that. He has a definite movement pattern for when he’s just messing about and when he doesn’t like something, and the crying fits from me are something he doesn’t like. Keeping it all in and making myself sick would be far worse.

The Little Man himself is still doing great. That makes all the other crap I have to deal with manageable. No matter how horrible I’m feeling, how much I just want to sleep and not wake up until my due date, when he starts kicking and rolling around, everything else melts away. It reminds that all of this has a purpose, and I can honestly tell myself in those moments that I would endure far worse for my son. As long as he is doing fine, I’m happy to put up with whatever my body throws at me. he’s worth it, and I already feel such a strong bond and such strong love for him that I can hardly believe it.

I find myself talking to him all the time, especially when i know he’s awake. I’ve taken to poking him back when he kicks, and more often than not, he will respond. He still pokes the cats, and I love watching Odie press my belly in the places he can see the Little Man’s feet poke out. He’s actually taken to meowing really loudly at my belly whenever the Little Man gets particularly active. I can’t tell if it’s because he thinks the baby need rescuing, or because he thinks there’s something wrong with me. Either way, it’s adorable, and it’s good for the Little Man to be able to hear the cats and get used to their ruckus before he’s born.

We’ve started planning out more details that line up with the actual birth. Prenatal classes have been booked for December, and  we picked a date at the end of February for his baptism. This will give us some time in case he decides to be late. If he’s early, well, plans don’t need to change if that’s the case. Shawn’s family is planning on coming some time in February, and I don’t really want a ton of visitors and people lurking about in the first few weeks. i think that had something to do with us picking an end of the month baptism date. Shawn’s dad is usually here on business at that time anyway, and his sister is planning on coming with our niece as well, so I think it would be nice to wait a few weeks so we can get settled without all the hassle.

I honestly can’t believe that I’m already in to the last few weeks of my second trimester. I would ask where the time has gone, but all I need to do is look down and not see my feet to remember. The time has gone in to growing our son, and while it has flown by, especially considering a lot of the crap I’ve been dealing with, it has been time well spent.

Exhaustion, Frustration and the World’s Best Husband

I am so tired, I can hardly believe it. You would think that living with chronic insomnia for over half my life would have prepared me for this. You would be wrong. This is a type of sleeplessness and frustration that I can do almost nothing about, and it’s why I’ve been such an absentee blogger. I’ve sat up at night thinking of things that I could be writing about, but four in the morning, when I’m desperate to get more the the hour I drifted off for earlier, is not the time to be producing quality work. 

I don’t think things would be so bad if my legs would behave. Restless leg syndrome is not something that I would inflict on anyone, especially since it’s been so amped up lately. I’m going to blame the pregnancy on that one, but I’m also going to blame the pregnancy for the lack of relief I’ve been able to get. I can only sit in scalding hot water up to my hip bones, and they don’t make magic bags big enough to cover the entirety of my knees, shins, and feet. Muscle relaxers are out, as are the sleeping pills that would allow me to pass out and possibly ignore the entire twitchy leg process.  

And it’s much more than just twitchy legs. Whenever I feel even remotely relaxed, my lower legs start to feel ke they want to walk off without the rest of my body. This has prompted me to del are, more than once, that I should just cut them off and be done with it. Luckily, Shawn has pointed out that with my stupendous track record, I would most likely end up with a wicked case of phantom limb. The only way that would be cool is if it turned out anything like Phantom Limb from Venture Bros. I could definitely rock the super villain thing right now. 

Averaging 1.5 ours a night isn’t good for anyone. There have been nights where my husband has gotten up to go to work only find me still awake and trolling the kitchen for breakfast. Affine who knows me and knows what a non-morning person I am will know that this is not a good thing. I’ve taken to sleeping whenever I can, and Shawn refusesm to wake me up from naps, even if I only want to sleep for a few hours. I can’t really fault him for that, but I really hate missing dinner. I realize that I can eat whenever, but sleep is a rarity at this point, so I should just take what I can get. 

Aside from that boat load of misery, the pregnancy is going really well. The Little Man is growing well. I’m getting more used to his routine, so it not freaking out quite as much when he has his “dormant” days. He usually slows down when he’s growing, and I can tell he’s growing because my ligaments start to hurt and my belly gets ridiculously itchy. There is no longer any mistaking that I’m pregnant. At 5’2″ and six months along (26 weeks tomorrow), he kind of has nowhere to go but out. Surprisingly, I haven’t started getting any stretch marks yet. I have been using an avocado oil body cream to help with the itchiness, but based on what my ass skin does when my weight fluctuates, the fact that I still have a smooth, lovely belly is a bit of a shock, albeit a welcome one. 

Thr same can be said for my poor, aching and leaky boobs. No stretch marks, just the standard list of other breast realted pregnancy complaints. If I’m not wearing a tight fitting top or bra my boobs go in to lactation mode. Forget wearing just a loose fitting hoodie for any length of time. Th slightest stimulation will set them off. This bodes well for my breast feeding prospects, but it’s a little annoying right now. Luckily was able to find a kick ass spots bra at VS Pink that doesn’t give me uniboob, and that has been a godsend. I don’t really like wearing my nursing bra all the damn time and their padded yoga bra is the perfect solution. That, in combination with the lanolin nipple ointment we picked up at Thyme maternity, has led to reasonable happy boobs. Unfortunately, our younger cat loves the smell of the lanolin and is constantly trying to eat it. No one ever accused Odie of being smart. 

We got the glider rocker for the Ltitle Man’s room ordered, and I couldn’t be happier with the purchase. We ordered it from Sofaland here in the city, and it’s a great Paliser number that swivels and reclines as well as glides. It’s just the right size for the room and will look awesome with the rest of our furniture when we decide to move it out to the living room.  Shawn’s Nana wanted to get our rocker for us, and generously donated $200 (or gave us $200 off the money I didn’t know we owed her) to put towards it. She seemed to think that would cover most of the cost, but everything I’ve looked at in that price range has been hideous. I don’t want a hideous chair just because that’s what people seem to think should go in a “nursery” setting. Luckily, my parents, or rather my dad, decided that he also wanted to get us our chair, and mum and I found the Percy one on our first trip. The fabric we picked is a dark slate/pewter blue and is so soft I’m certain that many a nap will be had by me in that chair. I will, of course, post pictures as soon as we get it in. 

The bedroom itself is still a blank canvas but the colours have been finalized and the decal has been chosen. It looks so much different with all the huge furniture taken out of it. We have all the new furniture picked out, but there’s no point in buying a bunch of things only to have to stack them in the middle of the room while we paint. We have the crib, and that’s enough to be getting on with. 

Shawn and I also got to see our niece on FaceTime for the first time a few weeks ago. We were having dinner with Nana and the Langley family happened to FaceTime her because the baby was awake. Now, I hate video calling, be it FaceTime, Skype, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t see the point of it, for the most part. However, it a nice to see Natalya, even if her backdrop was our sisters massive cleavage. Shawn didn’t appreciate that at all, and I don’t blame him. There are some bits of your siblings that you just never want to see. 

Now, here is where my hate of video calling comes in to play. I was right in the midst of the nasty insomnia I described above. Therefore, I didn’t really want to be out having dinner, let along video calling with anyone. I was pleasant, but I was exhausted, and at that point of the evening, I just wanted to go home. I thought I did pretty well with the whole thing until we got home and Shawn got a text from his dad that said, “Beth didn’t seem happy 2 c us????” Aside from the fact that I rarely go by the short form of my name and the fact that no one whonhas a full keyboard should use text slang, I was really hurt. This was another prime example of John jumping to erroneous conclusions about me for no good reason. 

Now, when they asked how I was, I said I was doing fine. I didn’t say I was tired, because dealing with the barrage of advice and exclamations of “it’s only going to get worse!” Is not my idea of a good time. For me, just saying that thing are going well, because when you put them in perspective they are, is the best course of action. What was probably my exhaustion coming through, he interpreted as me not wanting to see them. Fabulous. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t keep getting the distinct impression that Shawn’s dad just doesn’t like me. 

Tge first Christmas we were together, my sister in law inadvertently put something I’m allergic to in the stuffing. I was just enough to make me sick after dinner, but John assumed for a long time afterwards that I had some sort of eating disorder. when Shawn and I took our relationship break, which happened not long after my birthday, John assumed I waited because I wanted more presents and that I was, obviously, a gold digger. (I need to point out here that when we met, Shawn had recently gotten laid off and was on EI. I was the one who was working. None of these things were of importance to us, but his dad is another story.) God only knows what he thinks about me choosing to be a stay at home mum. I don’t really care, honestly, I must wish he would realize that I don’t make these choices by myself. His son would not have married me and chosen to start a family with me if he had a problem with anything I have going on. 

I’ve tried getting to know the man, but, unlike Shawn’s mom, I just can’t connect. If he wasn’t my husband’s father, I probably wouldn’t care if I knew him or not, and that makes me sad. He’ snot a bad guy, I’m sure, there are just a lot of things he doesn’t understand. I happen to be one of those things. This sucks for my husband, because it feels a lot of Netherlands time like he could care less about us having a baby. We talked to them a few days ago, and still nothing on hue her fact that we are having  a boy. H had even forgotten what our son’s name is, and that blew me away. I know Colleen told him. It was apparently just not important enough to information to retain. I will fully admit to being at my wits end with the whole thing, and my frustration and tiredness are not helping matters any. 

The key, I’ve been finding, is to focus on the positive things. Our baby is doing tremendously well. My husband is so supportive I can’t even believe how lucky I am. Not many people would get up at an insane hour on their day off and to give their wife a foot rub because she was so miserable she was ready to have the baby out, immediately. He knows what I need even if I lose sight of it. He’s always on my side, even when I’m being crazy. And, at the top of the list, he lets me play as much Pokemon as I want. 

I’m hoping the sleep situation improves. I’m hoping my OB has some suggestions on Thursday, and if not her, then my neurologist. I also hope I can find a decent holiday outfit, which may seem frivolous, but honestly? Sometimes the best way to perk up is to have a hot shower and get out of the house looking fabulous. A if I do say so myself, I look hot for six months pregnant. 

Spreading Idiocy via The Internet

This post is going to be closely related to the last one. That’s just a warning, in case you don’t need another rant on internet idiocy. This time, though, I’m going in to something a little more specific, particularly bad “medical” information that gets passed around, particularly on Facebook.

The first picture we’re going to look at was posted by the same hypochondriac (and sanctimommy) person that I mentioned last time, and came to her via a Facebook page called Raising Natural Kids. Unfortunately, this one has been seen on many a friends page, and that makes me sad.

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The first one on the list sent up a red flag immediately. In what world does regular Tylenol have hydrocodone in it? That’s right, in none of them. Tylenol is comprised of acetaminophen. When you mix is with hydrocodone, what do you get? That’s right, Vicoden. Hydrocodone is a strong narcotic, and while it does work for pain (very well), it is not something that should be confused with regular OTC pain medications. That kind of bad fact checking really makes me want to trust this list. No, seriously. It does.

Let’s look at their suggested natural counterparts for some of these listed medications, starting with ginger to relieve pain. I take ginger, and ginger based Gravol, to relieve nausea and indigestion. I have taken it when I’ve been both pukey and in pain from a migraine, and while my nausea has abated, it has done absolutely nothing for the pain. Not once have I noticed the ginger making my pain any better, and as a chronic pain sufferer, I’m sure I would have noticed something like that.

How about you stop taking your thyroid pills and start supplementing with seaweed instead? Or, even better, how about seaweed and bananas? Seaweed is very high in iodine and if you have a borked thyroid, you know that iodine can accumulate very quickly in your system and cause a lot of damage. The same thing with potassium. Excess (or excessively small) amounts of potassium in the system can be extremely hard on your heart, and shouldn’t be something you screw around with.

Okay, I’ve had GERD (gastro esophageal reflux disease) for a very long time, and I know that if I stopped taking my antacid medication and started eating grapefruit or drinking grapefruit juice instead, it wouldn’t be long before I was throwing up blood on a regular basis. I don’t understand how ingesting a highly acidic fruit would help me to reduce my stomach acid.

These are the three on the list that I have personal experience with, but if I needed an antibiotic, I wouldn’t stick myself in the sun, forgo the pills and hope for the best. That just doesn’t make sense. The biggest problem I have with lists like this is that they are so often presented to the public as actual fact, while rarely having any scientific facts to back them up. Where are the research references? Where are the studies proving that black tea is going to help with someone’s diabetes? Odds are they’re not listed because they don’t exist.

The next one was posted by my mother in law. It’s a little long, but you’ll get the idea even if you don’t read the whole thing:

Great information!! Cinnamon and Honey…! Drug companies won’t like this one getting around. Facts on Honey and Cinnamon:

It is found that a mix of honey and cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also note honey as very effective medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without side effects which is also a plus. Today’s science says that even though honey is sweet, when it is taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm even diabetic patients. Researched by western scientists:

HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, put it on toast instead of jelly and jam and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol and could potentially save one from heart attack. Also, even if you have already had an attack studies show you could be kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of cinnamon honey strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as one ages the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and the veins.

ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients can benefit by taking one cup of hot water with two tablespoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. When taken daily even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week (out of the 200 people so treated) practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain — and within a month, most all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis now started walking without pain.

BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder….who knew?

CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water given to a cholesterol patient was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, when taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol-could be cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.

COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and, clear the sinuses, and it’s delicious too!

UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also is said to clear stomach ulcers from its root.

GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that when Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.

IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacterial and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles (where DNA is contained) to fight bacterial and viral diseases.

INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food is eaten relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals

INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ‘Ingredient’ which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.

LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Use four teaspoons of honey, one teaspoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of boiling water to make a tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans increase and even a 100 year old will start performing the chores of a 20-year-old.

RASPY OR SORE THROAT: When throat has a tickle or is raspy, take one tablespoon of honey and sip until gone. Repeat every three hours until throat is without symptoms.

PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it off the next morning with warm water. When done daily for two weeks, it removes all pimples from the root.

SKIN INFECTIONS:Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin Infections.

WEIGHT LOSS:Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast and on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. When taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.

FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, even when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, when taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M., the vitality of the body increases within a week.

BAD BREATH: People of South America, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water first thing in the morning so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.

HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restores hearing.

Let’s start off with the claim that cinnamon and honey, when mixed, will cure most diseases. Now, I would love for this to be true. Honey and cinnamon are both delicious things, and it would be great if they combined to form some kind of super medicine. The rest of the paragraph leaves me ready to not believe anything else that the “article” has to say. Apparently, all of the research was done by a random and unnamed group of “western scientists”. If the research was so awesome and accurate, why are we not being given the names of the researchers and studies so we can read for ourselves what an awesome job they’ve done?

In fact, the only one on the list that I have no issue with is honey being good for a sore throat. It’s very soothing and does have mild antiseptic properties, but will it cure hearing loss? I doubt it. Will it clear up the “germs” (yes, they used the word germs) that cause a bladder infection? Again, I highly doubt it.

So many people take articles like this as fact because they use words like “scientists”, “research” and “studies”, without giving any references to the specific research or studies that were done. People read these things and take them as truth, when in fact they are anything but. I know people, personally (who I won’t name in case they come across this blog), that decided to stop taking doctor prescribed medications in favor of remedies like the ones listed above and got extremely sick. One of the two even ended up in the hospital. Yes, there are a lot of people out there who, like me, see things like this posted and scoff, but many people will see it and see and inexpensive ad easy way to cure what ails them. Am I against giving things like this a try? Of course not, but consult a doctor before you do anything drastic, and don’t be crushed when something happens to not work the way a Facebook post claimed it would.

I know there is a very large group of people who think that doctors and pharma are out to get our money, and won’t tell us about all these secret remedies because that’s going against the whole money making process. It boggles me when people, especially those in Canada, jump on this bandwagon. Canadians don’t have to pay for health care. If you need to see a doctor, you don’t pay for that visit. Most people have health insurance that covers most, if not all, of their prescription costs. If you’re disabled or low income, there are programs available to cover your health care (I should know, I’m part of one of those programs). So how, exactly, are doctors trying to screw us out of our money?

Like I said, alternative medicine is fine and good. I’m an acupuncture enthusiast myself. However, don’t think you can just ditch your current treatment plan because eight people on your Facebook list happened to post something on how apples will cure cancer. Seriously, like the internet, Facebook posts are not medical professionals, and if someone can’t back up something they’re saying, you should probably leave it the hell alone (and for the sake of everyone, don’t repost it.)