On Not Settling and Other Things

I am one of those that happens to think that a lot of young people today have a particular sense of entitlement that I don’t find particularly warranted or attractive. When I say “entitlement”, I’m referring to things like all kids needing to have the best of everything just because, or thinking they deserve a particular thing (car, grade, friend) when they really haven’t earned it. I also feel that there is a difference between being entitled, and not settling. I have never seen myself as someone who feels entitled to things. I don’t think that I should have the best and newest of everything just because I’m having my first baby. In fact, I was more than happy to take a huge load of hand-me-downs from one of my mums employees. Why? Because you can never have too many sleepers or onesies.

Settling, on the other hand, is something that I refuse to do. If I did, I would be married to the wrong person and probably on a swift road to a messy divorce. I stuck it out, even though I felt like my age was getting to get in the way of what I wanted (I know, I’m just coming up on 30 and that notion is ridiculous), and now I have the perfect person for me. I don’t kid when I say that my husband is my own personal superhero. It’s the truth, and I’m so glad that I waited until we found each other. What we have is great, and it was worth a little work to get to where we are.

There are also certain things, in the sense of the material, that I won’t settle on. A few baby items come to mind, mainly the stroller/car seat and my rocking chair. I know I’ve covered this before, but I need to reiterate how horrible I think more nursery rockers are. I’m sure you know the ones I mean: painted wood, poofy cushions, a true glider style chair. There is no where in our decor for something like that, and this is a chair that I plan on having for years to come. I don’t want a piece that’s going to stick out like a sore thumb when we decide to move it to the living room and have it occupy more prime real estate. That’s why, when mum and I went shopping, we didn’t even look at styles like that. We looked at rocking armchairs, things that you could customize the fabric on, and tried to look for something with more modern lines. Luckily, we found just what we were looking for and it’s on order as I type this.

Shawn’s nana wanted to contribute something to the purchase of the rocker, but she gave me the strong impression that the money she gave us should be the maximum budget we should spend. There was nothing that I liked for $200 or less, and regardless of what other people think, spending money to get something you really love and will really get use out of is not a bad thing. We both wanted something that would last and be a staple in our home, and the chair we ended up getting will so just that.

The stroller is another thing that I won’t accept less for, not because I think I deserve to have the best or most expensive, but because I want something that is going to be practical, easy to use, and durable enough to last up to the as yet Unconfirmed Sequel. (This is the code name for the possible second baby that we are in no way committed to as of yet, but that we’re still  thinking about when we make purchases for the Little Man.) Also on the forefront when making my choice was how it looks (no pastels or cheesy patterns for me, thanks), how well the car seat and stroller fit together, storage capacity, and steering ability. Mum and I (Shawn didn’t really feel the need to be a part of this process, but he will of course see the stroller before the final purchase) test drove five different models at Babies R Us before making a choice (The Safety 1st Lux  Stealth), and it was mere coincidence that it happened to be the most expensive of the bunch. It has all the feature that we were looking for, is easy to fold up, and had the easiest car seat to insert and take out of anything that we tried.\

I should probably mention maternity clothes in here, too. I don’t know how many people told me that you don’t need a whole new wardrobe when you get pregnant. I’m not planning on replacing everything I have with a preggo version, but most of the things that I was working during the first two trimesters aren’t fitting well anymore. I never wanted to be one of those women who just stuffed myself in to whatever I had handy and walked around with my belly out half the time. Doing that at home when I’m watching TV is one thing, but I still want to look like a decently presented and polished person when I go out. if you feel that you can make it for your whole pregnancy without buying anything, good job. but I love my maternity jeans and skirts with the stretchy waists. Wearing regular undies is so uncomfortable that I would rather go without (yay maternity panties!), and just having some tops that are built to hold a growing belly makes a huge difference. So I feel entitled to new clothes? No, but I will not settle for being uncomfortable and looking like crap just because I’m having a baby.

A lot of people have told me that I don’t need to have the best of everything to be a good mum. I completely agree. All the Little Man’s clothes don’t need to be brand new. They don’t need to come from Baby Gap (although a few things have). However, I’m not going to buy a cheaper product that I’m just going to end up replacing anyway. For certain things, shelling out a little more dough is well worth it.

Why do you think we do things like get our meat from a butcher instead of the grocery store? Why haven’t we replaced our TV yet? We want quality, and there is nothing wrong with that. We’re willing to wait (or in the case of the butcher, travel to the other side of the city) to get the things that we really want. It worked with our relationship, so I think it’s a pretty solid premise.

On another note, my sleep hasn’t improved at all. There have been a few nights when it felt like my legs were improving until I decided to actually lie down and close my eyes. That’s when the chaos started. When it gets really bad, it feels like my lower legs don’t even belong to me. Imagine having trillions of tiny insects crawling around and going about their lives under your skin and in your muscle. That’s the best description I have for what’s going on. it feels terrible, and there are times when soaking my legs in scalding hot water doesn’t even manage to calm them anymore. I’ve taken on the thinking that I just need to sleep when I can, regardless of what time of day it is. If I’m sleeping more during the day and less (who am I kidding, not at all) during the night, so be it. Some sleep is better than none.

I know Shawn feels just as frustrated at as I do. He hates not being able to make me feel better, and no matter how many foot and leg massages I get, it doesn’t seem to be helping. It feels like I’ve been breaking down in to exhausted hysterics at least once a week, but I think holding it in would be worse than getting it out. I don’t know why having the odd gasping cry is so cleansing, but it is. The misery I’m feeling needs to go somewhere, and I would rather it go outwards than stay in and cause tension with the Little Man. He already doesn’t like it when I cry like that. He has a definite movement pattern for when he’s just messing about and when he doesn’t like something, and the crying fits from me are something he doesn’t like. Keeping it all in and making myself sick would be far worse.

The Little Man himself is still doing great. That makes all the other crap I have to deal with manageable. No matter how horrible I’m feeling, how much I just want to sleep and not wake up until my due date, when he starts kicking and rolling around, everything else melts away. It reminds that all of this has a purpose, and I can honestly tell myself in those moments that I would endure far worse for my son. As long as he is doing fine, I’m happy to put up with whatever my body throws at me. he’s worth it, and I already feel such a strong bond and such strong love for him that I can hardly believe it.

I find myself talking to him all the time, especially when i know he’s awake. I’ve taken to poking him back when he kicks, and more often than not, he will respond. He still pokes the cats, and I love watching Odie press my belly in the places he can see the Little Man’s feet poke out. He’s actually taken to meowing really loudly at my belly whenever the Little Man gets particularly active. I can’t tell if it’s because he thinks the baby need rescuing, or because he thinks there’s something wrong with me. Either way, it’s adorable, and it’s good for the Little Man to be able to hear the cats and get used to their ruckus before he’s born.

We’ve started planning out more details that line up with the actual birth. Prenatal classes have been booked for December, and  we picked a date at the end of February for his baptism. This will give us some time in case he decides to be late. If he’s early, well, plans don’t need to change if that’s the case. Shawn’s family is planning on coming some time in February, and I don’t really want a ton of visitors and people lurking about in the first few weeks. i think that had something to do with us picking an end of the month baptism date. Shawn’s dad is usually here on business at that time anyway, and his sister is planning on coming with our niece as well, so I think it would be nice to wait a few weeks so we can get settled without all the hassle.

I honestly can’t believe that I’m already in to the last few weeks of my second trimester. I would ask where the time has gone, but all I need to do is look down and not see my feet to remember. The time has gone in to growing our son, and while it has flown by, especially considering a lot of the crap I’ve been dealing with, it has been time well spent.


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