On Being MIA

The last few days? Not so good, hence my complete absence from the blog. If I’m feeling a migraine coming on, staring at a computer screen for as long as it takes to bang out two blogs posts is something that Shawn will not let me do. I would do it regardless and suffer the consequences, but he’s an awesome husband and makes me slow it down when I need to.

I haven’t been sleeping, really, unless you count two solid hours per night sleeping. It’s rest, but it’s certainly not sleep. I’m going to blame my round ligament pain for all of it. It’s been pretty bothersome lately, and has been waking me up if I roll over or disturb the pillow under my belly in any way. My innards will shift, an already taxed ligament will pull and the sharp pain will jolt me awake (or the rest  of the way away if I happen to be drifting off.) It’s bad enough putting up with it when I’m awake; sharp, shooting pains while making dinner on a hot stove are not exactly my idea of a good time. Sleeping with them is something else entirely.

We did have, for the most part, a nice dinner with my parents, grandparents, and one of my aunts last night. The weather was gorgeous, and I generally love eating outside. (My dad made Nutella gelato, and I almost died from happiness.) The one thing that was a little irksome was people asking me how I’m doing. It’s to be expected when you’re pregnant, I know that. But I tend to answer honestly, and yesterday my answer was, “Tired.” Now, my family all knows I have chronic, on-going sleep issues and have for most of my life, but their answer was still along the vein of, “Well, it’s only going to get worse!” or, “That’s what you get for being pregnant!” I’m pretty sure it’s not going to get worse. If I start sleeping less than two hours a night, I’m going to my doctor about it, and I’m also pretty sure no one is trying to punish me for having a baby. I’m just more sensitive to certain things, and I’m not going to risk the Tiny Human by taking a sleep aid (of any kind).

Yes, they are probably just trying to “make light” of things, but I kept thinking, “Thanks for the support and encouragement.” That’s one of the reasons I tend to talk to my husband and parents, exclusively. I know I’m not going to get any shit from them, about anything. It probably doesn’t help that, while I love my grandparents, I can only take them in small doses. They’re getting on in years and becoming a bit, shall we say, eccentric? That seems the most polite way to put it. I do a lot of just shutting my mouth during some conversations, because engaging just isn’t worth it. My grandpa actually offered my champagne at dinner. I don’t know if it was a slip of the memory, or if he thought one glass wouldn’t hurt, but I don’t drink when I’m not pregnant. Why the hell would I start now? I blurted something along the lines of, “Hell no!” before my mum could step in and say, “She can’t drink, she’s pregnant.” He had no response to either of those things.

I was also having a really down in the dumps day yesterday. I felt bad about myself on all levels: fat, miserable, useless, ugly… you name it, the bad vibes were flowing. I couldn’t even muster up the oomph to drive to the mall and get new mascara, in spite of getting dressed and applying the first really flawless make-up I’ve done in ages. Shawn, bless his enormous heart, did his best to cheer me up. He stayed with me when I was moping in bed. He kept telling me how pretty I am (I kept saying he was biased) and how much he loves me. Did I need anything? Could he do anything? Did I want him to come to the mall with me? I declined, because I knew he just wanted to spend his day off at home, although I would have loved for him to come. He’s a great shopping buddy: honest without being a dick. That man is truly my rock and my favourite person in the whole world.

To top things off, my older cat started sneezing two nights ago. I’m not sure if she has a respiratory infection or if she breathed something nasty in when she got under the neighbors deck. I know she doesn’t feel good, as she’s being extra clingy and a little mopey, but she’s still eating and still purring when Shawn picks her up or I cuddle her. We’re going to keep an eye on it for a few days to see if there’s an improvement. If not, it’s a trip to the vet for us. I get worried when she’s sick. She’s closing in on 11, and the last time she got sick she didn’t recover as well as I would have liked. Here’s hoping it’s nothing serious.

The other cat, Odie, seems just fine. He’s till butting in everywhere and being loud when he thinks he’s starving. He made an appearance when we were having a Facetime call with my mother-in-law yesterday evening. I’m just going to say, straight out, that I hate video calling. Unless you have a specific thing to show someone, the whole process is pointless. It doesn’t feel like talking face to face. It doesn’t feel more intimate than a voice-only call. It’s just awkward and ridiculous. She wanted to see my bump, though, so Facetime it was. I think she feels a little disconnected from all of our baby happenings (not that we have a lot to report) because she lives in Langley, BC and we’re in Edmonton. I get that, but I still loathe video calling.

I had some huge guilt about not touching the blog for so long, but with the nasty storm that broke this morning, it’s really no wonder I’ve been feeling so shitty. Weather changes are not my friend. It’s been around 25C for the last week, so the sudden drop in temperature that I was sensing approach (in spite of what the weather forecast said) was bound to have some ill effects. So, today we’re dong a daily and catching up on missed features! Hurray!

Also, in case anyone is interested, our kick-ass wedding got a front page feature on the main Offbeat Bride Blog! I’m so excited! It feels amazing to have our day featured up there with so many other amazing couples and their amazing creativity. Check it out!

 

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