The Real Answers I Wish I Could Give People

Note: this post may sound bitchy or like a huge rant. That’s  because it is. I get asked a lot of things on a fairly regular basis, and I pull out the polite answers to things. I don’t want to cause problems with the people in my life. It’s just not worth it. That’s one of the purposes of this blog: to get out things that just  need to come out.

Q: So, when are you planning on going back to work?

A: I’m not, at least not any time in the near future. Between my illness (how fast it was regressing before the wedding) and having a baby, it just doesn’t make sense. There is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mum. Further more, this is a decision that Shawn and I came to together. I didn’t just up and decide one day that I didn’t want to work. It took months of agonizing and going over every pro and con of the situation with the people I trust most to reach this decision, and we’re fine with it. This doesn’t mean I’m lazy, gold-digging, a mooch or anything else. It means we made the best choice for our family. Period.

Q: When are you guys going to be getting your own house? 

A: That’s not an immediate plan. The reason we live in the basement suite of my parents house is because sometimes we need help when I’m sick. When we lived on opposite sides of the city, I wasn’t good at asking my mum to drive across town to give me a shot of pain meds. I didn’t even like doing it when I lived on her way home from work. Now, though, if I need something, she’s just a flight of stairs away. It’s going to be really great when we have a new baby, too. I don’t know how my body is going to react to the whole “giving birth” thing, but I’m not counting out the fact that I might get really sick for a while. Having a few extra sets of hands a stone’s throw away will be great. And no, we don’t “live with my parents”. We have completely separate lives. We don’t usually see each other every day, unless we’re outside or helping them around the yard. Our houses are separate. Our heating and water systems are separate. It’s like living in a duplex that is up/down instead of side by side. When we feel the need to move, we’ll move. Until then, we’re happy where we are, thank you very much. Having a baby doesn’t change anything.

Q: Your OB knows your medical history, right?

A: No, I’ve been dumb enough to keep my very long and complex medical history from the people who are going to be taking care of me and my baby until February. I didn’t feel it was necessary to let them know that because of my illness, I’m at an increased risk for stroke. That’s not important, right? I didn’t tell them that I’m still taking migraine meds in a very very small dose. They have no idea that we should be watching my thyroid levels extra closely because I only have half of that gland left. Why would I tell them any of that? It doesn’t seem relevant. Also, it’s not like one of my OBs hasn’t been working with me for a very long time. It’s not like she was helping me find a birth control method that wouldn’t mess up my migraine disease. /sarcasm

Q: You’re going to be doing X/Y/Z, aren’t you? I mean, you want the best for your baby.

A: We’re going to be making the best choices for our family, but thanks for trying to push what you think everyone should be doing on me. I appreciate it. No, really, tell me more about how my child will suffer from not being cloth diapered? And eating baby food from a jar? I must be a horrible mother, and I haven’t even given birth yet. Oh, wait. My child is going to be loved, cared for, well fed and brought up to not be a pretentious dick. Maybe I’m going to do all right.

(This is where I’m going to reinforce my belief that we all need to just support each other. Do I agree with some of the things I see done by other people? No, but everyone is doing the best that they can. We need to have each other’s backs, not bring each other down. This is one thing the sanctimommies out there need to learn.)

Q: Are you going to be toning down your appearance now that you’re a mum?

A: Uh, what? I don’t dress like a skank. My typical wardrobe consists of dresses, skirts, tights (I love anything vintage/retro), and then jeans and band t-shirts. Why would I change that? What’s wrong with a mother who wants to dress well? I also will not be getting rid of my collection of red lipstick, toning down my winged eye-liner or giving up my fabulous hair. I’m adding something to who I am: the title of mother. That doesn’t mean the rest of me is going to change. Leave my wardrobe out of it. Oh, and for the record, you may think I spend an hour putting on my makeup, but it’s about 15 minutes, tops. I’m just that good.

Q: Why aren’t you gaining any weight yet?

A: Awesome genetics. My mum didn’t gain anything with me or my little brother until she was 20-22 weeks. I’m following that trend, and I probably won’t gain more than 25 pounds. Besides, my doctors are very pleased with how I’m doing, considering the amount of pregnancy sickness I’ve been having, and their professional opinion is far more important to me than you thinking I should be 10 pounds heavier by now. Thanks, though.

Q: Are the two of you going to stop gaming now?

A: Hell no! We’re not going to stop reading, or watching movies, so why would we stop gaming? We want to be able to game with our kids. It’s fun. It’s a good family activity, whether on a console, the PC or on the table. Will the kids be allowed to game whenever they want? No. But we’re not going to stop gaming, in any form, because we don’t think gaming harms childhood development. Quite the opposite. We both gamed from a young age, and we have great reflexes, excellent critical thinking skills and damn! Do we know how to have fun!

Q: Don’t you worry about passing your illness on to your kids?

A: Yes, asshole, all the time. Thanks for reminding me. If it happens, it happens. At least I know what it is, how to deal with it, and have a great array of doctors already in place to help us deal with all the crap that comes with it. I don’t want to pass it on, but I might. It’s just a fact of life. Hopefully, you didn’t pass your lack of tact or sensitivity on to your kids.

There are some days that I wish I could just answer people with the first thing that pops in to my head. It would be very liberating, but it would cause more harm than good. I vent to my husband (who sometimes shares my views and sometimes just laughs at how ridiculous I’m being). I vent to my mum (who thinks I need to learn to ignore people). I vent to my dad (who thinks every needs to mind their own damn business). And now, I’m venting here, just because I need to. If no one reads this post, I’m fine with that. It’s a little off the wall, and maybe I am freaking out for no reason, but really! Why can’t we all just mind our own business and live our lives as we want?


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